Comments on: DWW virtual workshop http://dublinwritersworkshop.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/dww-virtual-workshop/ The Online Community of the Dublin Writers Workshop Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:46:03 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Nessa O'Mahony http://dublinwritersworkshop.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/dww-virtual-workshop/#comment-12 Nessa O'Mahony Mon, 09 Jul 2007 06:26:38 +0000 http://dublinwritersworkshop.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/dww-virtual-workshop/#comment-12 Hi Peter I think both parts are lovely, precise pieces of writing ... you make the link between the particular and the general very well, particularly in the second part where you link the photographer with Brueghel .... I'm wondering whether you need the word 'visualised' in the second line of the first part, having already said the image had formed .. also 'flaccid' bothers me in the second part ... doesn't seem apt for wht is being described. Hi Peter

I think both parts are lovely, precise pieces of writing … you make the link between the particular and the general very well, particularly in the second part where you link the photographer with Brueghel …. I’m wondering whether you need the word ‘visualised’ in the second line of the first part, having already said the image had formed .. also ‘flaccid’ bothers me in the second part … doesn’t seem apt for wht is being described.

]]> By: peters http://dublinwritersworkshop.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/dww-virtual-workshop/#comment-11 peters Sun, 08 Jul 2007 13:07:50 +0000 http://dublinwritersworkshop.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/dww-virtual-workshop/#comment-11 Okay...Here's something I've been working on last week: THE MIRACLE OF THE IMAGE '...the miracle of the image is a triumph of the imagination.' (Ansel Adams) i. Motion arrested An image forms in his mind, visualised. Cold, clear grasses shiver above ground, the horizon flowers, a brittle-blue sea. Photons pour through the lens, agitate the halide crystals. ii. Commercial photography A flaccid, graven image. He positioned her between two metal light-box reflectors set at one-tenth second and synchronised with the flash. Brueghel used tempera on canvas in his Parable of the Blind, a blend of egg yolk and pigment, without the plastic capabilities of flash bulbs exploding, scattering little pieces of glass into white hair. Okay…Here’s something I’ve been working on last week:

THE MIRACLE OF THE IMAGE
‘…the miracle of the image is a triumph of the imagination.’ (Ansel Adams)

i. Motion arrested

An image forms
in his mind, visualised.

Cold, clear grasses
shiver above ground,

the horizon flowers,
a brittle-blue sea.

Photons pour through the lens,
agitate the halide crystals.

ii. Commercial photography

A flaccid, graven image.
He positioned her between
two metal light-box reflectors
set at one-tenth second and
synchronised with the flash.

Brueghel used tempera on canvas
in his Parable of the Blind,

a blend of egg yolk
and pigment, without
the plastic capabilities of flash
bulbs exploding, scattering
little pieces of glass into white hair.

]]> By: jimhayes http://dublinwritersworkshop.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/dww-virtual-workshop/#comment-6 jimhayes Fri, 06 Jul 2007 16:52:09 +0000 http://dublinwritersworkshop.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/dww-virtual-workshop/#comment-6 This is smooth and eviocative, captures the moment and the mood well. I'm not sure of the opening line seems just a tad too self-conscious when you really want to go straight to the heart of the experience. The end is fitting and effective, I particularly like the additional meanings of give grace. All Best Jim This is smooth and eviocative, captures the moment and the mood well. I’m not sure of the opening line seems just a tad too self-conscious when you really want to go straight to the heart of the experience.

The end is fitting and effective, I particularly like the additional meanings of give grace.

All Best
Jim

]]> By: Nessa O'Mahony http://dublinwritersworkshop.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/dww-virtual-workshop/#comment-3 Nessa O'Mahony Fri, 06 Jul 2007 06:55:18 +0000 http://dublinwritersworkshop.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/dww-virtual-workshop/#comment-3 Okay ... here's one to kick the thing off. Comments welcome please: Brief encounter on Stocking Lane No need for metaphor Just two deer, Sika, red-flanked, spikes adolescent white in the early morning of a Rathfarnham summer. One looks up as I walk clumsy and loud on the tarmac of a new road in a new estate. They’ve come too low from the pines of Montpelier or Cruagh, must have wanted a rest from cones and needles as they graze the smooth turf somebody bought in Homebase. I freeze; not quick enough. The breeze betrays and their heads are up. One moves closer, dainty steps of a Lippitzaner, verifies that I am the old species, predator, vaults the brickwork, dazzles an oncoming driver with his white rump. The other, unsure, morphs into the stone shape of a thousand garden centres. I pass, give grace, climb the hill at the pace of my heart-beat knowing that if I turn there will be an empty road, a new roundabout, a soil mound waiting to be seeded. Okay … here’s one to kick the thing off. Comments welcome please:

Brief encounter on Stocking Lane

No need for metaphor
Just two deer, Sika,
red-flanked, spikes
adolescent white
in the early morning
of a Rathfarnham summer.

One looks up as I walk
clumsy and loud
on the tarmac of a new road
in a new estate.

They’ve come too low
from the pines of Montpelier
or Cruagh, must have wanted
a rest from cones and needles
as they graze the smooth turf
somebody bought in Homebase.

I freeze; not quick enough.
The breeze betrays
and their heads are up.
One moves closer,
dainty steps of a Lippitzaner,
verifies that I am
the old species, predator,
vaults the brickwork,
dazzles an oncoming driver
with his white rump.

The other, unsure,
morphs into the stone
shape of a thousand
garden centres.

I pass, give grace,
climb the hill at the pace
of my heart-beat
knowing that if I turn
there will be
an empty road,
a new roundabout,
a soil mound
waiting to be seeded.

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